I’m always on the lookout for articles that touch on ways to communicate to a friend or family member who is depressed because, well, it’s a delicate issue and one that deserves some education. I found this quiz on Everyday Health on what you should and should not say to a loved one struggling with depression.
1. Snap out of it!
Your loved one hasn’t left the house in what seems like days. Should you tell him to pull himself up by his bootstraps and just snap out of it?
Don’t say it.
You may be tempted to tell someone who’s depressed to stop moping around and just shake it off. But depression is not something patients can turn on and off, and they’re not able to respond to such pleas. Instead, tell your loved one that you’re available to help them in any way you can.
2. What do you have to be depressed about?
In a world full of wars, hunger, poverty, abuse, and other ills, you may feel impatient when someone you love feels depressed. So do you remind him how lucky he is?
Don’t say it.
You can’t argue someone out of feeling depressed, but you can help by acknowledging that you’re aware of his pain. Try saying something like “I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad.”
3. Why don’t you go for a nice walk?
Exercise is a known way to lift your mood. Is it a good idea to suggest that your loved one with depression go out and enjoy some fresh air and activity?
Say it — but with a caveat.
By definition, depression keeps you from wanting to engage in everyday activities. But you can show your support by offering to take a walk, go to a movie, or do some other activity with your loved one. How about: “I know you don’t feel like going out, but let’s go together.”
4. It’s all in your head.
Some people believe that depression is an imaginary disease and that it’s possible to think yourself into feeling depressed and down. Should you tell your loved one that depression is just a state of mind — and if she really wanted to, she could lift her mood with positive thoughts?
Don’t say it.
Suggesting that depression is imagined is neither constructive nor accurate. Although depression can’t be “seen” from the outside, it is a real medical condition and can’t be thought or wished away. Try saying instead: “I know that you have a real illness that’s causing you to feel this way.”
5. Seeing a therapist is probably a good idea.
You think your loved one could benefit from talking to a mental health professional. Should you say so?
Reinforcing the benefits of treatment is important. Encourage the idea of getting professional help if that step hasn’t yet been taken. This is especially important if your loved one has withdrawn so much that she is not saying anything. Try telling her, “You will get better with the right help.” Suggest alternatives if you don’t see any improvement from the initial treatment in about six to eight weeks.
For other suggestions on what to say and what not to say, check out Everyday Health’s post.
Also, see our list of the worst things to say to someone who’s depressed.
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, "Beyond Blue," on Beliefnet.com and is author of "Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes" and "The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit." Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.
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7 Comments to
“What Not to Say to a Depressed Person”Great advice, totally agree.
Danny Dave 8:31 am on November 15th, 2010
Truly, we need to be careful of what to say and what not to say when dealing with someone depressed.
Duck 11:35 am on November 16th, 2010
Yup, that thing about taking a walk — big mistake.
I took my best friend for a walk, with the hopes of lifting her spirits and getting her out of the house to feel better.
The next day, she took her life. That burst of energy, activity, and mobility was not a good idea.
April 11:44 am on November 16th, 2010
A lot of people suffering from depression are reluctant to reach out to family or friends because of statements like these.
I know people mean well and just don’t know what to say, so I hope more people will read this article and others like it.
Colleen 2:52 pm on November 16th, 2010
In a similar vein to, “Just snap out of it,” never say, “Chill out.” My mother used to say that to me all the time and it would just make it worse. That was before we knew I was sick, so now she’s a bit more understanding.
Jack 9:21 pm on November 16th, 2010
Good article, but I don’t necessarily agree that you should tell someone who’s depressed that they should go get professional help. It just depends on the situation. Sometimes that might be a good idea, sometimes not.
Duck, I’m so sorry about your best friend.
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Wednesday, 17 November 2010
What Not to Say to a Depressed Person | World of Psychology
via psychcentral.com
